I'm Ready For Another Baby...But My Husband Says No

Dear Gabby,

My husband and I have a 4 year old boy. I have been having baby fever for awhile now (and always knew I wanted more than 1 child). I am at the point where I want to take out my Merena out so we can start trying. My husband is a little on the hesitant side saying "we don't have enough money for a 2nd child". My thoughts are, you are never fully ready for kids, and you can never have enough money with a growing family. He has mentioned in the past in different scenarios... "our second child", or "another sibling" , but now that I am actually talking about removing my IUD, he is getting more defensive or scared.

Am I the one over reacting and being to pushy or daydreaming?

I don't want to undermine his feelings at all. Or should I just keep trying to reassure my husband that all things will work out the way it should? HELP!

Sincerely,

Longing For Baby #2


Dear Longing For Baby #2,

I’m just going to come right out and say it -  I do not think you should try to convince your husband to agree to have a second baby until he is ready.

I would back off the subject, just for a few months. Men hate to be nagged. (insert eye roll) Give him some time to digest what he really wants. No one should feel pressured into having a child. Perhaps your husband is thinking more long term - how is this going to effect the family or thinking about the incredibly challenging and trying toddler years or sleepless nights of an infant. Which are all valid points. Men tend to be the more rational ones and women are emotional and want to follow what our hearts say. Maybe he has a timeline in his own mind; when debt or student loans are paid off or when you have a bigger home or larger family car or when his job is less demanding, whatever it may be.

It doesn’t sound like he is saying ‘one is enough’ - he’s saying one is enough for now. Sounds to me, he will get to the same place you are over time. Having just one child doesn’t mean you are any less a mother than the Octomom; it just means you have more time and attention to give to the child you do have! Enjoy it while it lasts. 

If too much time goes by and hubby is still not on board, I’d suggest seeing a marriage counselor to help facilitate an agreement that you can both live with so you can move on without any resentment hanging over you (or him). 

Sincerely,

Sherri #kickingassandsurvivingmotherhood